job ad

If there were ever a job that should encourage the holder to self-harm, it’s not soft drink lobbyist or tax collector, it’s the recruiter.

One of the many excellent attributes of a free market is its reliance on the ‘middle-man’. Often much misunderstood and maligned, the middleman is the flesh-covered vehicle that connects us to the products we use and venerate without having to do complicated transactions with 100 different manufacturers every time we want a cup of tea or a printed photo of our family in a white frame or whatever other shite that middle class white people like. Continue reading Recruiters: Foreskins on the Penis of the Free Market

There is but one point to this post – to make all your C.V. spelling mistakes seem completely normal and a part of life. Which they are. Like that time I spelled ‘peaked’ instead of ‘piqued’ on a cover letter for an sub-editing job… Continue reading Job Seeker’s Schadenfreude

“I’m not across that”

Do you understand what you’re saying when you say, “I’m not across that”? You’re saying, “I don’t know” except that you’re saying it like a turd. If Jeremy is “not across that” and Sally isn’t “across it” either, then Jeremy and Sally don’t know dick. There’s something about this phrase that is sanctimoniously satisfying to say, like the phrase ‘sanctimoniously satisfying to say’, and I think that’s why it’s caught on so much in corporations. Every time someone says to me, “I’m not across that” I just realise that not only do they know fuck all about what I’ve asked them, but they love the feel of their linguistic tongue formation – so I try to engage their tongue less by not talking to them again. Continue reading The Curse of Occupational Oratory Overuse – or – Icky Corporate Phrases

Job ads are like cancer: they replicate, spread and multiply their odious sickness until every cell is infected with their putrid death.

But enough of the hyperbole – TO THE SHAMING! Continue reading More Job Ad Abominations