On Manners

Between university and connections, I have not had to apply for a job in over ten years and I’ve noticed a few changes in that time. There seems to be a soul destroying consensus amongst hiring companies to not reply to either your initial application to acknowledge you or to reply in a timely fashion after an interview. Not only is this incredibly rude, disrespectful and a tacky power play, but it cheapens the entire process for those who work hard to craft an application. Continue reading On Manners

There’s No Skill Shortage, there’s a Good Employer Shortage

Ok, so the title’s not great but it really succinctly conveys pressing and contemporary issues on the job-hunt front.

I have a question for every person out there in business land with an open position and a perceived shortage of applicant skill.* If I have done that job before, why would I want to do it again? Continue reading There’s No Skill Shortage, there’s a Good Employer Shortage

Sample Cover Letter

From the endless job ad clichés to the unnerving first interviews and then to the throw-up first day, I think the worst part of any job application is the sycophantic cover letter that has to accompany it:

Dear nobody,

Thank you for not writing your name on the job ad, thereby forcing me to begin this letter by jamming myself straight into it instead of being able to lube it a bit first. Continue reading Sample Cover Letter

You’re Gonna Go Far in Media, Kid

Stories that begin with, “one time I…” usually end up being stinkers. One time I went to a job interview two hours away from where I lived. I took two buses and a train, then I walked about 2 kilometres down a highway to Shitsville, NSW for an interview with a company that was clearly going down the toilet. Continue reading You’re Gonna Go Far in Media, Kid

Sympathy for the Lazy

I’d consider myself a pretty average Johnny, but like any other (relatively) young person looking for a job in the current market, I assume that I’m worth far more than I really am. So it’s no surprise that I am having trouble finding one because I’m not willing to settle for anything that I consider beneath me. I have decided by process of elimination that this excludes every job that ever existed except African dictator, extremely famous pop musician or lesbian porn film director. Continue reading Sympathy for the Lazy

Memoirs of a Failed Financier or The Justin Bieber Bank Diaries Part IV

A four part retelling of a three month saga.

Part four: I’m a Bielieber, baby

It may have been an equal combination of my own belligerence and their bullshit that led to the breakdowns in my previous articles, but the final blow for my career in banking came from that Canadian songstress Justin Bieber. See, while we were sitting row upon row in our quasi-communist processing factory, side by side with business and economics students and single mums, we weren’t allowed to talk. Continue reading Memoirs of a Failed Financier or The Justin Bieber Bank Diaries Part IV

Memoirs of a Failed Financier or The Justin Bieber Bank Diaries Part III

A four part retelling of a three month saga.

Part Three: Philosophise this

Resisting indoctrination is one of my favourite pastimes. The feeling of freeing yourself from mob mentality is like a hit of sugar to a diabetes patient, only you get to keep your legs. But ok, we live in a world where there’s a lot of talking and meetings but not always a lot of doing. So called ‘menial’ work has been replaced with what I’ve been told are called ‘new service professionals’ although I know for sure that I’d pay someone a hundred times more to take away my garbage than to manage my company Snapchat account. Continue reading Memoirs of a Failed Financier or The Justin Bieber Bank Diaries Part III